if you have the answer...

i swear. seriously i do. every now and then i just let out a good cuss word to see if that eases that which is life. never seems to work albeit fun at times.

i have this sort of cloud of confusion that seems to follow me around kind of like dirt that you can never get out from under your nails. determining whether lives i witness are being ruined or reconstructed. how do you decide which to believe; it cant just be a decision between optimism and pessimism. can it? and i understand there is an enemy who is out to seek, kill and destroy us. but is that all?

choices.

i am noticing more and more that sometimes we hold on to things even if they are bad for us, and when they are finally taken away we dont have the capacity to determine if the situation is good or bad. of course it feels life threatening not life giving. i mean i was not all shits and giggles (random cuss word) when my dad died in march. it rocked my world. and hell i can count that example and all of them to learning who i am in christ, or who you are in christ, or i can sit and decide it has everything/nothing to do with what I can see in front of me...

you get it?

i want to. i want to be free.